How Things Have changed .

last Wednesday  i came home from the supermarket to find one of our neighbours in the house chatting to mom .  she was amazed to hear about moms illness  , also our neighbor had some sad news of her own . i had gone to school with her daughter, we were in the same year , and while we had not stayed in touch after school finished  , her mom kept in touch with my mom . we already knew that  her daughter was  living down the country working as a teacher married with 3 children .and she had got pregnant for a 4th time . last Wednesday we were told that sadly that baby was still born at 27 weeks .  the  reason i bring up this sad news is that the way the loss of the baby was treated today is very different form the way it happened back in the early 1970's when mom lost her baby also through still birth .

my mom never saw her baby or had a proper funeral for the child , we do know where moms baby was buried , in the plot of the holy angels Glasnevin Cemetery  but we don't know the exact grave  , if there is one as the cemetery has changed a lot in the 40 or so years since this took place .   finding out exactly where in the plot of the holy angels  the child was buried  was something i always meant to do for mom but never got round to . now mom is ill again it will have to go on the long finger again .

.  at the time my uncle Davy who was a very religious man had to ask to see if the baby had received catholic baptism rites (she had ) my mom tells me too that in the days after she  gave birth a nurse was with her all the time , even if she went to the bathroom  , it must have been some sort of suicide watch .

 my friend was able to hold her baby , a little boy , plan and attend a funeral   she also has a grave or some kind of memorial that she can go to so it can help with her grief .

 i can;t understand how mom was not allowed at least to look at the child she gave birth to or attend a funeral . her baby was quickly taken away after birth and buried by an unknown undertaker . i suppose it was considered less emotional strain on the mother if the baby was forgotten about  , not something i agree with .   .  nobody offered her counseling or professional help .  thankfully mom had the loving support of Dad and her family to help her through this horrific time . this was the first time she was pregnant too .

as it happened over 40 years ago mom doesn't often talk about it now but does mention it from time to time especially around the child's birthday in September .  she always tells me not to mention the loss of the child to Dad . she doesn't want to upset him .

i am very glad that my friend her husband and her parents could mourn the loss of their child in a way my mother was not allowed to .